Highs and Lows
Well, the good news is...I have not had time to save for making posts with my email time of late because we have been positively swamped! Kispest had two baptism yesterday from the Sisters' teaching pool. Two amazing women wore white and it was by far one of the happiest days of my life. The day was perfect for them, and I was honored enough to be a part of it.The first was Mária, a 30-something business woman who devours every peice of doctrine we teach her. She consumes as if it were a fine meal. We aren't talking future Relief Society President, we are talking future general Relief Society President. There are no words to describe her, but if I had to pick one just to give you a clue, it would be "amazing".
Then there is Eta, a very sweet widower who thought the sister who started talking to her at a bus stop was a Jehova's Witness (we get that a lot) but when she learned that wasn't the case she invited the missionaries over to her house that day. She has positively blossomed as she has learned about the Gospel. She was such a timid little thing when we started but now she walks with a confidence that comes from knowing who you are and where you come from and what that means. In one incredibly feeble and frail word to describe her, she too is "amazing".
I have scarcely ever felt more happy than I did sitting next to Eta and holding her hand as she basked in the glow of just having made a covenant with her God and Heavenly Father.
But after the dust settled my mind was free to drift to troubles from the home front...
I have recently learned that my father has been diagnosed with cancer and will be starting chemotherapy soon in treatment of it. I received special permission to call him and once I learned enough to know that there is no reason to believe that his disease is terminal, I was able to refocus on the Work. But now, I find my heart very strongly and very equally torn in two very different directions.
There is part of me who is so proud of the missionary I have become. I know that I know how to be a good, effective tool in the hands of the Lord I Love. I love being a missionary and I love the Hungarian people and being here and teaching them is all I ever could have hoped it would be and a million times more. Words fail to describe this as well and I can not imagine giving it up...
...until I imagine my Dad sick from chemo. He will have to have 18 treatments over just three and a half weeks. He lives with someone that I know will take very good care of him but to say it is likely an extra person there to bear the burden would be a help is to say that maybe it is likely to take a breath several times a mintue would be a help to live. If I were still a nanny, this would not be a question, and I would be there the whole way. If I feel like I should I can call the mission president at any time and tell him I need to go home. But if I did that, I know I would not be able to finish my mission here, if I were able to finish it at all.
I have not made any final decisions one way or another, but my heart is definitely ripped in two.
posted by Ashley @ 3:22 AM
